Seasons Change, Motherhood-Guilt, & Strong Identities
I feel all around different in life. My family and I are going through big amazing changes right now. Two years of our life came and went quicker than I ever imagined, and its allowed me to really reflect where we were at the beginning of the two years.
Seasons come in all shapes, sizes, timeframes, and imbedded with different lessons. Though we had a season of two years, there will always be the mini moments in between that dictated the time, or took president over it all. And overarching season of building our life in which these two years will seem like just a blimp on the radar. Just another step on the path of it all.
One of the things that I get to reflect on most is how different our family is now. Two years ago, my son, Bodhi, was just barely one. And now he is a vibrant loving three year old that warms my heart even on the hardest days.
I feel like the luckiest person just to know him, but to get to raise this amazing soul is a blessing all in itself. In the last two years, he has grown into a kind, gentle, and soft kid. (“KID” I can’t believe it.) Though, he most certainly has him moments. Let’s face it, he is three, and he is a wild boy. Bodhi 100% thinks he is Spider-man too. However, I am grateful to say he can restrain himself with his little baby brother, who is only six months old.
The love unfolding between the two of them, is unlike I have ever seen before.
Being the older sibling, I prayed and prayed for a little sister, and I received one. I know how ecstatic and grateful I was as a five year old getting my wish granted, but now I get to see this same type of love from a new angle.
I know right now they are only three and six months, and that this bond will change over and over again. They won’t always see eye to eye, or get along, or be able to do the same thing. However, I know that from the beginning they love each other more than words can describe. It’s a feeling that warms your soul to watch.
Over the last six months, having the new baby, has brought up a lot of old memories, thoughts, and emotions I had with Bodhi. “Baby” Bennett (a name I fear he will never grow out of) not only looks like just a chunkier version of Bodhi as a baby, but I am experiencing all over again what it means to fall in love with this little being. It will always be the most beautiful process that I hold dearly to my heart.
The one thing that I am surprised about in this season, is I am not all-consumed wrapped up in this baby stage like I was the first time.
I was feeling really guilty about it at first, like maybe I didn’t care as much, I am not spending enough time with him, I am being selfish, etc. etc. All those harsh things moms like to tell themselves.
But, what I truly think it is, is that I know that when I let it all consume me the first time, I lost myself. I put myself aside and it made the situation worse for me. I wasn’t doing that this time, and I am actually more present and focused on the baby.
See, that first moment I entered motherhood, I was scared, lost, alone, and confused. I let those words define me and motivate me to be an all-encompassing mom. Heavily involved and micro-managing everything.
That pulled so much focus away from me and my needs. However, I never saw it that way. I just thought, “Oh this is what moms do.”
It’s not. You are never supposed to lose yourself with any season changing. And I wasn’t doing that this time.
Entering into motherhood again, I made sure from the beginning, I gave myself what I needed in order to stay consistent with who I was and who I am trying to be.
So, when people ask, “How was the transition from one to two” I can honestly say “easy.” I don’t have that internal crisis of, “Who am I as a mom of two??” Or just “Who am I?” in general.
The baby segued into our life so flawlessly with no hiccups. Life never stopped moving, we just integrated and continued on like he was always a part of us.
That is where the questioning of myself began. Due to how I conditioned myself last time, I began to ask, “Is there something I am doing wrong, because I am not struggling?” And quite the opposite.
Because, I put myself in a secure spot, the baby is actually in a thriving environment.
If you are someone who loses themselves with seasons changing, you need to establish confidence into your identity so it doesn’t get easily manipulated.
Like I always say, find a goal, create a schedule, take action, and change your midnset.
Join me in Maximize Your Minutes coaching to learn the specific process for your wants & needs.
