Boundaries You Need

Boundaries with yourself are probably the most important ones that need to be upheld.

Usually when you think of boundaries, you think of drawing a line with your friends, family, partner, co-worker, etc. These are typical external boundaries you have to protect you mentally, emotionally, and physically. They show respect for yourself, and for others to have; these boundaries cultivate keeping a clear mind and environment; it’s a representation of how you want to run your life. However, the idea of boundaries has been loosely used lately, ruining what it truly means.

“Boundary” is often thrown around as a way to excuse some sort of rude behavior towards someone else. It’s a justification as to why you block someone out. Boundary is being used as a weapon for selfishness in a sense.

It is being used wrong so much, it is turning into the word “resolution,” it has no weight or meaning anymore. A boundary for “inner peace” has turned into, “hoops for others to jump through.”

You need to redefine the word back to the original intent of it, in order for it to work for you.

Boundary is a tool for you to establish in order for you to accomplish things in life. You are going to put up boundaries with others, yourself, and with your environment, in order for you to stay on track. Proper boundaries create progress.

Boundaries are necessary to have if you want to accomplish goals in a timely manner, without stress, and limited distraction.

Boundaries are set for those moments when you forget to keep your eyes on the prize. They will become a natural behavior for you to follow when you don’t feel motivated.

For example, you have a goal to lose an X amount of weight. You have committed to yourself working out five times a week, clean eating except a once-a-month cheat meal, and limited alcohol and sugar.

Your friend invites you out for dinner and drinks after work on a Friday. However, Friday nights are a gym committed day for you. Plus, you have already had your cheat meal for the month. You are also aware that alcohol and the possibility of sugar will be involved.

Two outcomes can happen.

Number one, your desire to have fun will overcome your mind because of the lack of boundaries. You will begin to backtrack into a corner and make excuses. You will start to say, “You deserve it,” “You have been working so hard,” “What is one day going to do.” Etc. These excuses allow you to feel better and succumb to the initial feeling of, “I want to do that, it sounds like fun, and I don’t want to miss out.”  

The issue with this is, you are not actually committed to your goal. You say you are, but actions speak louder.

The second scenario you can choose from, is the committed one. You simply say, “No.” You draw the boundary with yourself. You know what the goal is and how to get there, and veering off path for one night is not worth all the progress and consistency you have put in.

If you were firm in your decision of accomplishing this goal, there is no question to be had. There is nothing to consider. You know what the commitment is that you have made with yourself. If you go outside of this and accept the invitation, you are not committed. You have chosen something that does not fit the mold of your commitment.

Not to mention, the overall disappointed you will feel in yourself the next day. There comes regret with making excuses. 

Drawing a boundary in respects to your goal does not make you a bad person, mean, or rude. You are choosing the healthy lifestyle you desire. If accomplishing this goal is going to fulfill you, make you feel more successful, and a happier person, always choose that avenue.

In this choice, there is no question of “should I” or “should I not.” You know what the answer will be, and this does not allow for excuses to pop up or be had.

This is how you draw boundaries with yourself. You make a firm commitment or decision that will better you. You make no room for wiggles or excuses when it gets questioned. The chance to flip-flop is limited to none.

When you are making a goal, the plan, and beginning the execution process, you must be sure you are specific enough that it creates a mold. This mold will be the basis to help you with the boundary questions.

When you have firm boundaries with yourself, it will help you draw them with others. Just like it did in this example. You were able to draw a boundary with someone because you were firm in what your desires are.

If someone does not respect your boundary or choice, you must begin to put up more boundaries with this person in order to protect your progress. Or simply ask if you want someone in your life who disrespects your choices or lifestyle.

More examples of boundaries can be in your environment. When you are trying to lose an X amount of weight, don’t buy or keep junk food around. If you are constantly being subjected to things in your environment that is going to deter you from progress, you need to make a boundary and fix it.

The out of sight out of mind goes a long way.

Other environmental aspects to think about are things that cause you stress or anxiety, being subjected to unhealthy or toxic places, and things that will affect your sleep, mind, or energy.

When you created boundaries with yourself, you can accomplish your goals quicker, easier, feel more confident, and have more freedom to do what you truly want.

Five Ways to Set Boundaries:

1. Write down your likes, interests, and what you want from life. Become extremely familiar with this list, so when something arises in life, you know it doesn’t align, and you do not accept it into your life.

2. Build confidence with telling people “No.” Understand you are not hurting anyone’s feelings when you are protecting yourself. If it ends up they don’t understand why you are choosing yourself over them, do you need that manipulation in your life?

3. Respect others and their boundaries, and you will receive the same respect with your boundaries. To begin this process, you need to respect your own boundaries.

4. Hold these type of boundaries for yourself daily: emotional, physical, mental, sexual, intellectual, time, material, etc. The more categories with boundaries, the more you feel in control of your life.

5. Create self-love and do activities you enjoy. The more you spend time with yourself, the more you will get comfortable with what you like. The more aquatinted you become, the more confidence you’ll have to be vocal about your boundaries. You will also become more likely to remove people who did not react your boundaries.